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Omerta
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Life is just like a toilet bowl, you always know wad you are going to get, ..........................shit. by Linucio at 12:54 AM
Monday, February 02, 2004
How to REALLY annoy your teacher. 1. Decorate the coverpage of your paper with nose shit and ear wax saying thats its a new abstract form of art using human waste, tell her that your next paper would be even more daring. 2. Make your paper one long, neverending sentence that goes on for pages and pages and pages; use a lot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarely-used punctuation marks. 3. Pretend that every class is an episode of ‘Everybody Wins’. 4. Print all the pages on one sheet of paper, with the text overlapping. Say that that was all the paper you had. 5. Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the teacher’s door. 6. Support your essay with quotes from your Playstation manual. 7. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the teacher, say “You ask me to put in footnotes, mah.” 8. The night before the paper is due, call your teacher and explain that you can't turn your paper in because it contains sensitive military information and is only available on a "need to know" basis. Insist that the Chief of Army says you should get an 'A'. 9. When writing an especially long paper, put a recipe for mee siam in the middle and see if the teacher notices. 10. Bring candles and incense to class. Before handing in the paper, perform an elaborate ceremony, entreating the gods to bless the paper and/or curse whoever doesn’t give you an ‘A’ with pimples. 11. Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh should have used nunchakus or shuriken. 12. Turn the paper in by making paper airplanes out of the pages of the paper and attempting to fly them onto the teacher's desk. 13. Refer to all prominant historical figures by nicknames. For example, call Sir Stamford Raffles "Ang Eh". Call David Marshall "Ah Dave". 14. TTyyppee eevveerryy lleetttteerr ttwwiiccee.. 15. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right? 16. Draw cartoons of your teacher in the margins. 17. Refuse to do the paper on account of the fact that you are a member of Greenpeace and strongly object to the gratuitous slaughter of trees caused by the massive amount of paper used in writing assignments. 18. Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, e.g. Tan Ah Seng founded the Kingdom of Melaka, after fleeing Temasek from Majapahit raiders. 19. Draw obscure connections between totally unrelated things. For example, claim that the Hock Lee Bus Riots arose because the North-East Line wasn’t running on time, or that the British pointed their cannons out to sea because Sang Nila Utama saw a merlion. 20. On the day the assignment is due, skip into class, waving the paper and screaming, "I got a paper! I got a paper!". Run around the class a few times, then joyfully throw it out the window. Laugh and yell, "There's my paper!", then run outside to get it. Repeat this all through the period, or until the teacher throws you out. by Linucio at 3:41 PM |
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